All this for a frosty beverage?
Did you hear about the fistfights that broke out near the beer garden at Taste of Edmonds? Neither did I. They never transpired.
But across the field at the same event some Gray Panthers had to be restrained from delivering Stooge Slaps to members of the security team at the wine garden.
Last year the same officious minions sent my wife home to get her personal photo identification.
This year she arrived with driver's license in hand. The guard took one look at it and snapped, "Take off your sun glasses."
We won't get into ages here but the last time my wife was suspected of underage drinking, Dwight Eisenhower was president.
But the gate guard at Taste of Edmonds was suggesting that if she removed her sunglasses it would reveal that the license was counterfeit and quite possibly stolen from one of the Seagals, even though the Seahawks didn't arrive in the Northwest until 1976.
I'm not sure that my wife ever delivered the stooge slap.
But when I had returned to the beer garden with a plate of Scotty's salmon and caesar, another woman of a similarly vintage year was arguing with a guard who was insisting that he was only enforcing rules that are obeyed uniformly in convenience stores and posh resorts from Humptulips to Grand Coulee.
"Have you ever attended a Mariners' baseball game?" she asked and before he could answer she also wanted to know how many fans attended. "Maybe 25,000? And weren't a lot of them drinking beer? Where did they get it?" she asked and challenged him to assure her that all the beer drinkers were carded by vendors roaming through the stands with trays full of foaming cups.
It would be ridiculous to suggest this was the case . . . almost as ridiculous as a guard at Taste of Edmonds suggesting it was unwise and illegal to serve senior members of the gray panthers a $5 cup of Yakima Valley red.
On that subject, have you heard about the innovative beer salesman at Safeco Field who now invites customers to contact him on their cell phones via Twitter.
He takes their order and notes their seat numbers.
Minutes later he fulfills their order. As Safeco fans can attest, beer orders are often passed down the aisles.
Often they are delivered with the aid of nine year olds who happen to be seated between the aisle and the beer buyer.
So don't tell me, or my wife, that laws concerning liquor sales at public events are all enforced uniformly.
Or would you rather risk a Stooge Slap from a Gray Panther?